To Not Run Away

by Julie on December 24, 2009 · 6 comments

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Best of 2009 Blog Challenge:  Day 24 Learning experience. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?

Real safety is your willingness to not run away from yourself. ~Pema Chodron

To let go.

To let go of fighting against.

To let go of how I think things should be.

To let go of my need to control others with whom I am in relationship with.

To let go of trying to always figure things out with my crazy-making mind.

To let go of the insane way I am so hard on myself.

To let go of trying to evade the only one who is here. Me.

So here I am with me. Just me.

For a while, now, I have sat with the discomfort of being with me. All the pieces of me I didn’t want to see showed up. I invited them in. They weren’t the best companions. It took all I could do to not run away from those parts of me I had tried to hide away. As we become better roommates, new ones show up, ones that have been down in the deepest recesses of the shadow.

And, when I let go, something quiet, yet strong, was there. All along it had been holding me, just waiting until I let go and turned to look within.

This quiet, compassionate presence is always here. When I turn to look within, it is all that is there. It is the only safety there is.

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Alana December 24, 2009 at 10:10 pm

*big sigh* I can relate so much to this. Beautifully written.

whollyjeanne December 25, 2009 at 9:49 am

yes, this is VERY relatable and exquisitely written. soothing and comforting, too.

Lindsey December 25, 2009 at 10:14 am

This is gorgeous. I’ve read and reread and each time your words make my heart ache with their truth.
Thank you.

Julie Jordan Scott December 25, 2009 at 8:06 pm

Inviting the “not best” in… becoming intimate with them… so lovely. Ironic perhaps… and yet just right.

Once again, oh so inspiring…

floreta December 25, 2009 at 8:53 pm

simple and well written. this is exactly what i wrote about for my learning experience 😀 but i like how you’ve displayed it here. especially relate with: To let go of my need to control others with whom I am in relationship with.

that’s a BIG one!!

Julie December 26, 2009 at 9:15 pm

Alana, Jeanne, Lindsey, Julie, Floreta,
Thank you, each of you, all of you, for stopping to share here of your experience. I find it so beautiful that this is something we all relate to, that is soothing, comforting, yet makes our heart ache. Here we are, all together, women stepping into the truth of our own hearts.
Thank you from the bottom of mine.

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