I Begin Here

by Julie on June 1, 2010 · 7 comments

It seems as though my last post, Listening Into Liberation, resonated with many of you. The comments you left were insightful posts unto themselves. They touched me deeply.

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“The future of humanity will be decided not by relations between nations, but by relations between men and women. ” D.H. Lawrence

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I realize that I know very little, if anything, about the answers to how liberation into wholeness can unfold. And at the same time, I absolutely know that wholeness is our inheritance, and that our true nature is already whole.

I know that consciousness is seeking to know itself, to awaken fully into wholeness.

I know that my rational mind can’t understand it, even if it thinks it can.

I know that I have a deep longing to heal into wholeness, and to be liberated from these ties and snares that keep me falling back into the false beliefs of our culture, that:

  • women are secondary to men,
  • the feminine is something to fear,
  • the masculine is bad
  • women have to apologize, constantly, for something not quite known
  • men must be taken care of
  • men and women can’t trust each other
  • women are inherently jealous of, and hostile to, each other
  • I, as a woman, will be more safe and secure in my relationships, and in the world at large, if I ‘pretend’ to be good, compliant, selfless, small…in short, something I am not.

These are just a few of the notions I (and others I know) have believed in the past, or continue to believe right now. Is there anything else you might want to throw in here?

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“…re-examine all you have been told at school or church, or in any books, and dismiss whatever insults your soul.” ~ Walt Whitman

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We’re told many things about women, about men, and about our worth, our value, how we should be with each other. We’ve been conditioned by parents, by our schooling, by the church, by the culture, by the media…

I can see the most necessary and important thing I can do to begin, is to question all of my beliefs. Period. Even my most treasured beliefs, the ones I cling to that give me a sense of righteousness, or a sense of safety and security. This is really about questioning the small, yet sometimes very loud and insistent, roommate in my head that wants me to believe these things so I will stay ‘in the tribe’.

I know liberation into wholeness will not come by hanging onto my beliefs. It will not come if I hang on to anything I have to believe in, because if I believe in something, it means I don’t really know the truth of it. If I did, I wouldn’t need the belief.

All of Life is Sacred

One thing I know is that all of life is sacred. I know this. I don’t have to believe it, because I experience it. I witness the sacred looking out your eyes. I hear the sacred in your voice. I feel the sacred in your touch. I taste the sacred in your kiss. Everything is alive with the sacred. Everything.

We are breathed, we are fed, we are loved, and we are held by the sacred. All is infused with the sacred. When we don’t see this sacredness, it’s because we believe the conditioning that tells us differently.

Patriarchal conditioning teaches us to fear matter, to fear that which is here right under our noses. Patriarchal conditioning is about fearing the feminine in us all, but most especially in women, because we embody the sacredness of the feminine life principle. Patriarchal conditioning tells us to transcend rather than embody. Yet, it is through the body that I experience, that I enter into relationship with you, with woman, with man, with life.

I know I begin here, with my own experience that all of life is sacred. Somehow it’s easy to see this sacredness in children. I see their innocence. Yet, this same innocence is alive in us all.

I begin with this innocence, this wonder and amazement that are naturally a part of being alive and aware. The only thing I can know, truly know, is what my experience shows me.

I long to know you, to listen to woman, to listen to man.

Wholeness is about Oneness, about no longer experiencing division within and division without. I have to begin here, where I am, seemingly still ensnared by beliefs, but willing to look to see what is here, what is true, what is so. And, then acting on that knowing, to move with truth, rather than shrink away from it.

The roommate believes it won’t be easy. Yet, the longing is much stronger than the roommate’s resistance.

And, you?

I’d love to be in conversation with you.

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

mrs mediocrity June 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

This feels like the place I got to after I stopped fighting that battle I mentioned in my comment on your Liberation post…it feels like a better place to me, less about “them and us” and more about being human, at least that is how I started to look at it.
When I was younger I always felt different, but in a kind of “and therefore I am slightly superior” way. I have come to realize that just the opposite is true, I am the same, we are all the same, in being human, and that is what I try to embrace. That is also what lead me to name my blog Mrs Mediocrity…being part of the whole that is wholeness.
I love where you are going with this…

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Dian Reid June 1, 2010 at 11:12 am

“I know I begin here, with my own experience that all of life is sacred. Somehow it’s easy to see this sacredness in children. I see their innocence. Yet, this same innocence is alive in us all.”

so. power. full.

easy to forget that our inner child is “in” us, all the while, we just need to look for her/him. the innocence is there, if i choose to see it, if i choose not to disregard it, if i choose to accept my innocence, embrace my innocent, embody my innocence. and this innocence does not make me weak, but simply dismisses the insults to my soul, as you so eloquently allowed mr. walt whitman to remind me.

i feel alive. there is more, and so i’ll let this percolate and see what comes out….

love to you xoxo

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whollyjeanne June 1, 2010 at 4:18 pm

i began this past weekend.

i am tired of holding the eraser on my own life because it makes others feel more comfortable. i am tired of tacking on qualifiers and disclaimers to everything i say. i am tired of structuring the presentation of my ideas, observations, or knowledge in such a way that they can become somebody else’s ideas, observations, or knowledge and thus be implemented and used and valued. i am so tired of keeping quiet then saying “i was gonna’ say” later. i am tired of being afraid of my own power. i am tired of defending everything i say, tired of being dismissed and discarded and trivialized. i am tired of dressing up in these false beliefs and dictates of who and how i must be.

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Alana June 1, 2010 at 8:19 pm

Once again Julie, you’ve inspired conversation, provoked thought, made an impact on the world around you. Once again, the comments on your posts are more valuable than gold. Yes, please, let’s all have this conversation with honesty and vulnerability, with love and the knowing that “all of life is sacred”. I am excited to be a part of it – a deep soul “thank you”.

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Julie June 1, 2010 at 8:48 pm

Mrs. Mediocrity – I totally get what you are sharing. For me, it’s like a spiral, where I keep circling around, but going deeper and deeper. Sort of like T.S. Eliot’s quote, “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” I come back to this place, yet it is like I know it for the first time. It looks different each time. Thank you for continuing to share your wisdom here, as part of this ongoing conversation. It’s so rich.

Dian – yes, innocence does not make us weak. it allows us to see things very differently. So beautiful. I can’t wait to hear what’s percolating within you.

Jeanne – Wow. Your voice is beautiful. Strong. Sure. You’ve begun. I look forward to seeing what moves through you, now!

Alana – I am so glad you are a part of it. Thank you. Your wisdom is a necessary part of this conversation!

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Bridget June 3, 2010 at 12:02 pm

This gave me goosebumps: Patriarchal conditioning tells us to transcend rather than embody.

Though I wonder if patriarchal conditioning is more about the dichotomy (that you must transcend or embody) rather than to do both?

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Renae C June 6, 2010 at 10:43 pm

None of us know. Each of us simply has to move toward it one step at a time. Sometimes recognizing something of ourselves when we see the sacred mirrored in someone else’s eyes.

I know I’ve moved a step further along the road seeing myself reflected here.

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