The Sincere Path

by Julie on August 6, 2012 · 9 comments

“It’s my contention that there is no sincere path a human being can take without breaking his or her heart…so it can be a lovely, merciful thing to think, ‘Actually, there is no path I can take without having my heart broken, so why not get on with it and stop wanting these extra-special circumstances which stop me from doing something courageous?’” – David Whyte

The Sincere Path

Ah, these words speak to me. In truth, I have had by heart broken open so many times in my life. And, there is so much in this world right now that breaks my heart on a continual basis…if I allow it in. And, there is much in this world right now that brings me great joy.

A sincere path. One of truth and heart. The one that I most resist, because it isn’t ‘my’ path. It is the one that is asked of me.

The times my heart has been most broken are the times when life has happened to me. I am getting more accustomed to handling those things that seem difficult. The place where I’ve been stuck is this place of choosing to walk into the heart-break. Choosing the fire.

I’ve wanted to have it my way. I hadn’t thought of it as extral-special circumstances, but now I see that’s what I have wanted. You know how it is? If only I could choose from ‘this’ menu and not ‘that’ one. If only it could look ‘this’ way, not ‘that’ way.

The sincere path doesn’t come with a menu of choosable circumstances. We either choose to take it or not, and in my life I’ve noticed that the choice is something I must repeatedly make. It’s the same choice, just returned to again and again from wherever forgetting has taken me.

And then sometimes I just get stuck because I don’t want to get sticky. [Thank you, Jen Louden]

It’s one thing to learn to respond to life when your heart is broken open by life. It’s another thing to turn to that which you know will break your heart open and to go anyway, or to head into those circumstances you think will bring you personal pain and go anyway.

This is where courage and trust come in. It is where remembering what I know to be true, and so often forget, that everything is sacred. Everything. Every cell of everything. To remember that what I fear out there, is what I fear within myself is one of the most difficult things to remember because it is not the idea of it that will open me to my sacred path…it is the knowing of it deep in my heart.

I have moments of knowing that all is sacred and those moments are always by way of the heart and never by way of my ego mind. It only sees separation. But the heart, ah the heart. As the bindings around my heart break, my heart breaks open.

I fear being exposed. I fear being censored. I fear being shamed and humiliated.

What I really fear is feeling exposure, feeling being censored, shamed and humiliated. I fear feeling these feelings. I fear the power of them to break me. But can they really break me? Not really. Not what I truly am.

Somewhere I know that a multitude of experiences await me, not just these few my mind seems to focus on.

Somewhere I know that if I meet these circumstances that await me, they won’t kill me.

Somewhere I know that if I sincerely choose the sincere path, what will come are just what I need to experience…not to harm me, but to heal me.

And what I do know is that the more I have deeply grieved in my life, the more joy I am capable of feeling. The more I have opened to the unknown, the more I am surprised by the incredible variety of amazing things there are to feel in this human body.

And, you?

What is your sincere path? Do you know it? Do you skirt around its edges? Do you circle and circle never quite landing?

What don’t you want to feel? What feeling do you avoid at all cost?

Will you allow your heart to break open?

Will you journey with me?

 

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Jennifer Louden August 6, 2012 at 10:06 am

i have been circling in and around and jumping over my sincere path for all my life. I probably always will. I feel like trying to know it only makes me go into knowing and it’s all about not knowing… trusting, feeling and being truthful. Truth feels like the ground of the sincere path.

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rachael maddox August 6, 2012 at 11:11 am

i love you so much, julie daley.
my sincere path is loving openly and wildly like i did when i was three. loving myself, others and every little moment. presence. fearless heart action. crazy kisses for everyone!
i get to thinking that it’s “truth” and “wisdom”. but in the end, the thing that’s most alive in me is and always has been gushy gushy love.
from there? what i fear?
having no place to put a love so wild and free–a cement wall, impenetrable and closed. basically, being unwanted.
it’s easy for the average joe to say yes to a lil lovin’ walking down the streets.
it’s harder to believe that someone wants it up close and personal forreal… forever and ever amen. to think that i’m not too much to hold.
so my challenge? completely expressed intimacy. where i let all my love out of the closet. apology free for being so strangely alive.

thanks for the chance to reflect on this.
really really really.
again, i fricking love you!

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jane August 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm

i am joining in with loving Julie <3 i fear being broken… not just broken open because that seems to happen most days… but broken and so in peices i can't be fixed… i fear being so far off my path that i just fizzle this life away… the reaching out, the courage and the having the grace to recieve is what i am working on right now in order to see that fear of being broken and walk in to the ring anyway… and yes i am with you on this journey Julie

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Jolly August 6, 2012 at 5:15 pm

So well said Julie! Questions I need to ask myself .. what is my sincere path? Do I know it? Still seeking clarity ….

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Fabeku Fatunmise August 6, 2012 at 5:44 pm

No words. Just thanks. Bigbig thanks.

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Jane of Ardis August 7, 2012 at 8:27 am

What don’t I want to feel? Discouraged, slightly afraid. Afraid most of all of feeling like a faliure. And yet risking this, being willing to risk this is the one path to really feeling the good stuff.

Thank you for this. I can feel my heart opening reading it.

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Alizabeth Rasmussen August 8, 2012 at 8:46 am

That David Whyte quote has made its way to me several times over the last few days. I love it, and it’s so appropriate for me right now. I’m at a crossroads where I need to make a choice between two wonderful options (lucky me). But I keep hoping for a clear sign of which way to go…I guess that is the “extra-special circumstance” I’m waiting for, the one that’s keeping me from just deciding and committing, knowing that yes, either way, I will have my human doubts. And, either way, there’s the possibility of being hurt…a truth that remains even if I make no decision at all.

Thank you for this insightful post!

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April August 8, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Oh Julie – yes I am traveling with you. So much of what you write resonates so deeply for me. I am somewhat on my sincere path, but I hold back from embracing it fully, embracing myself fully.

Just before or after this post, on Facebook, you wrote a sentence about the importance of speaking our truth. Once a prolific blogger, I am now struggling so much with speaking my truth that it can take me an hour or more to hit submit on a Facebook post when I’m inspired to share…if I push the button at all after reading it 20-30 times. Last year I took on a mission in vulnerability, bravely walking into the fire over and over again. Now shame has taken deep hold after experiences of public and private humiliation due to some of those choices to be open and vulnerable. Now I have big walls up and question everything I consider putting out into the world, or even share with friends. Especially about what I feel to be my sincere path, which includes being open and vulnerable, in public.

Thank you for the constant encouragement, and reminders of what I know to be intellectually true, but still hasn’t sunk into my heart. At least today I spoke a bit of my truth here!

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