Wide-eyed, Feral-hearted Instinct

by Julie on January 25, 2014 · 12 comments

foxline_by_oprisco-d387fuz

Foxline by oprisco

 

No. I won’t.

No. I won’t.

No. I. Won’t.

 

I woke up this morning feeling a deep, throbbing ‘NO’, deep in the belly, deep in the instinctual flesh.

 

The voice inside would not stop. It had finally found it’s way out.

My solar plexus pulsed.

Power center coming back online.

 

I got up and made tea, and then sat in the early morning hours slowly drinking it, slowly taking it in, down my throat.

I sat down on the cushion for a short meditation…that stretched into an hour.

The throbbing continued.

The solar plexus pulsed…hard.

Power center coming back online. I didn’t know there was this much power to be found in this body.

 

This NO was going NOwhere. It had come home and had NO intention of leaving.

It grew louder, more insistent. Growling. Gutteral. Very Ujjayi.

Throat breathing straight up from the belly.

Power center coming back online.

Sitting in not-so-quiet repose, on the cushion, wired like one of those power stations you see way out in the desert, far, far away from civilization.

A power center too hot and too dangerous for the ‘civilized world’.

Thank God.

 

I’ve been…

Too silent.

Too civilized.

I’ve swallowed too many NOs.

Wide-eyed and feral-hearted instinct repeatedly drowned in an ocean of acquiescence.

 

But wide-eyed, feral-hearted instinct can’t be silenced forever. That’s not how life moves. Death brings rebirth. Eventually, everything comes full circle.

Soul will  shake the concrete off, breathe the cobwebs out, tear the windpipes loose.

Deep-knowing, dignified bones eventually rattle themselves free… 

Sovereign.

Alive. 

Whole.

 

 

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Lara January 25, 2014 at 8:45 am

love it.

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Ceciila January 25, 2014 at 9:59 am

I so feel the power of your experience! WOW!!! Thank you for sharing. <3

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Julie March 3, 2014 at 1:18 pm

I’m glad the feeling of the power came through, Cecilia! Thank you.

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Julie March 3, 2014 at 1:16 pm

Thank you, Lara.

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Catherine January 26, 2014 at 5:21 am

Thank you! Yes!

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Sarah January 26, 2014 at 12:52 pm

Exactly what my power center needed to know right now. Life returns and I give thanks. Thank you so much, Julie.

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Julie March 3, 2014 at 1:20 pm

Yes, life returns. Thank you, Sarah.

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Linda January 27, 2014 at 2:14 am

<3 big love, big respect, big grattitude for your sharing :)

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Julie March 3, 2014 at 1:22 pm

Thank you, Linda. Thanks for letting me know.

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ann March 3, 2014 at 8:53 am

Wherever you want to go with this – yes

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Julie March 3, 2014 at 1:21 pm

wonderful, Ann! I’m glad you are interested.

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