I have spent my days stringing and unstringing my instrument while the song I came to sing remains unsung. - Rabindranath Tagore

I came across this quote today in the Heron Dance newsletter, A Pause For Beauty. I like the quote because it is a beautiful metaphor for how we, as humans, spend the days of our lives busying ourselves with everything but singing our song, all the while telling ourselves we are just about ready to sing. We mess around with getting ourselves trained, figured out, processed, firmed-up financially, etc., all to keep ourselves from jumping into the void, the empty space that must be encountered when we agree at last to trust our own, unique song within.

I believe we are doing this as women, too. Not simply individually, but collectively. I can feel in my work with women leaders, both individually and collectively, that we know we have work to do. We know there is a song to be sung as beautiful souls within female bodies. We can feel and sense a calling within to come together in some way to sing a collective song, all the while honoring our own, individual melody.

What is this song to be sung?
What is calling us?
What are you hearing?
What is keeping you busy so that you don’t have to hear the melody within?
When will you sing?
When will we sing, together?

I can feel my song to be a guide for people to see again their inherent goodness, and to awaken to the richness of their unique creative expression. I feel a (sometimes not so gentle) pull to help heal the deep wound we all experience in some fashion with regard to the Mother (our own and the Big Mama Earth) and Her unconditional love for us. What if we were to awaken to the awe inspiring unconditional love that is here for us all the time…here for all of us, every living being? What if we had the courage to feel this love deep in every cell of our beings?

What if we were to be this open, this trusting, this humble, this ordinary?

photo by Julie Daley

Just yesterday, this best friend sent me a picture. She has been scanning old pictures and came across this one. I am on the left. Just seeing this image brought back a flood of feelings and memories of a time in my life when I felt so connected to the world around me, especially nature through all the time I spent outdoors. As I thought back to this time, I realized how important these years are. It’s during these times that we have a glimpse into our deeper nature and a sense of our place in the world. Once we grow up and move out into the world, and into making a living, most of us lose contact with our own internal knowing, because we believe we have to conform to our culture and society to make it. And, we believe that conformity requires letting go of who we really are and what we truly want to do with our lives. It’s not that we consciously choose to go against our authenticity, but rather we are conditioned to do so.

Seeing this picture and remembering that time in my life, with all the friends and experiences it held, re-affirmed who I am and what compels me to action today in my life. I know that my work with women to awaken our connection to the Earth and our connection to each other is exactly what I knew somewhere deep within me when this picture was taken.

Think back to your youth, those years when you wondered what your life would hold. What did you envision. Who did you see yourself to be? Are you honoring that deepest place within you, that place that speaks to you quietly, but insistently?

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

We have all, men and women, been highly conditioned by our parents, cultures, religions and society at large. This conditioning is the basis of our personal ego. This ego has its own gods (beliefs and opinions) and these gods are the ones the ego believes all should follow. For example, with regards to the Hilary Clinton vs. Sarah Palin debate, on one level we may believe that the way Hilary carries herself in the world (beliefs, character, background, actions) is better than the way Palin carries herself…or, perhaps, for many others that Palin is “better than” Hilary. It all depends on the way we have been conditioned. But, conditioning is conditioning. Period. All conditioning is a box that has been created to keep each one of us in conformity and a false sense of security and safety. And, even though we have outgrown our conditioning, we keep choosing and acting from it so that we stay part of the ‘tribe’.

We are on the brink of something new, something fresh. What is required is true leadership from each American. We must quiet the fearful cries of our egos so that we may hear our own truth and ‘be’ this truth in the world. This does take trust in our own wisdom. It means taking a stand for what we know to be true within our own being. It means responding rather than reacting. It means questioning our reliance on our leaders to be responsible to us when we haven’t found our own means of being responsible to ourselves. It means becoming citizens again, citizens of not only this country, but citizens of our world.

There is an amazing opportunity presenting itself. We have the opportunity to heal the cultural distrust between men and women, and between women themselves. This distrust has been passed down from generation to generation as part of the cultural conditioning. It has been part of our cultural shadow for hundreds of years and for this distrust to heal, the shadow needs to be seen, acknowledged and personally owned. What we fear within ourselves we project out onto others. How does the shadow show up for you? What are your deepest fears about women in positions of power? How are you judging the women and men involved in the campaign rather than objectively looking at their qualifications? In what ways do the candidates, and their opinions and beliefs scare you? In what ways do you align with them?

Right now things feel chaotic. They are. This election has suddenly, and beautifully, brought in new voices, the voices of women, voices that have for too long been kept quiet. Things are changing and the change feels overwhelming to that part of us that wants to ensure our own beliefs will win.

But, in chaos is opportunity. How can we use this amazing opportunity to create something new and fresh in our political and cultural landscape with regards to women and men leading together?

True creativity, something truly fresh and innovative, can only come into existence when we trust in our own nature and in what we know to be true for ourselves.

Here are a few thoughts I have with regard to the current dialogue regarding women and the elections:

1. As women, we can choose not to disrespect another woman simply for holding other views and opinions. We need to own our projections. We must separate out what we hate and fear about the ‘other’, and what we disagree with about their position. What we hate and fear about the ‘other’ is what we hate and fear about ourselves.Our cultural conditioning is misogynistic. This means both men and women have been conditioned to see women in ways that are belittling and demeaning. It shows up in subtle ways, and we are all guilty of it. If we can see our own part in this and consciously find a way to heal whatever it is within ourselves that feeds this dynamic, then we will be actively embodying the change we hope to see in those who lead our country.

2. As women, we can recognize that we have all found a way to survive in this male-dominated culture. We continue to rely on our conditioned strategies to stay in the fold, whatever fold we have found to rely on be it Democrat, Republican, or Independent. Our parties seem to have become tribes that keep us seeing ourselves as different and separate than those of the other tribes.It helps to own that we are all clinging to our worn out strategies and beliefs, ones that no longer truly serve a society that is moving towards a different perspective of power and prosperity.

3. Why should we be surprised that women running for office would hold wildly differing views? Men have for centuries, and women will, too. Can we separate out gender from clearly defined positions and platforms? Yes, it would be amazing to have a woman in office, but to vote for a candidate simply because of gender would truly be a mistake if we don’t genuinely agree with the positions the candidate espouses or the integrity with which they lead.

4. Can we choose to not act out of fear and negativity? Everywhere we look, something is feeding our fear. Everything is about ‘fighting’ and winning the war on fill-in-the-blank. This perspective of fear and fight continues to cause us to see the world in which we live as an enemy to be conquered rather than an environment that can sustain us if we see ourselves in relationship with it rather than dominators.

5. We each must step up to the plate and be willing to be in action. We must be that which we are asking of our leaders. This means finding and claiming our own authority to act from our integrity and authenticity, those qualities that define successful visionary leaders. Then, regardless of who wins in November, we will be walking our talk and living our values…being the change we wish to see right here in our own backyard. Doing this brings forth the peace within that we are looking for out there.

Hopefully, we can open to a new way of seeing our personal role in this election, and beyond it to the rest of the world. How will we hold our relationships with other women, especially those who hold differing views? Can we agree to disagree, while maintaining a sense of compassion and respect for each other as women? Can we begin to build and nurture the humanity of women, a web that connects us to each other and to the sacred feminine?

Can we refuse to do to each other what has been done to us as a gender for hundreds of years?

What a glorious experience I had in the El Cerrito DMV. Now that may sound like an overstatement…glorious and the DMV together in one sentence, but I have to tell you, the people there SO ROCK.

First, I was greeted by a young woman who was obviously hip, wildly creative and unabashedly female. She was the friendliest person I have encountered in a long, long time. And, it was genuine. She greeted me with a sincere smile, gave me a number and showed me where to go next.

I took my seat and waited for my number. Just THREE minutes later, I was called to window 20. As I approached the window, I was greeted by another young woman, who looked directly at me, said, “Hi, can I help you?” and seemed to genuinely mean it. I told her what I was there for and she got to work.

As she was looking up my records in the computer, I noticed a faded flyer from 2005 posted between window 20 and window 19:

The flyer grabbed my eye because I had just been reading about Shirley Chisholm and her intelligent and courageous way that supported her in becoming the first African-American woman elected to Congress and the first major party African-American candidate for President of the United States. Then, I read the quote on the flyer, “Tremendous amounts of talent are being lost to our society just because that talent wears a skirt.”. I wondered to myself how much that statement is still true. I read all the time that the playing field is now even and women have so much at their fingertips that wasn’t there before. But, I also know that our patriarchal acculturation is woven into our daily lives in so many insidious ways. It isn’t spoken of, but it has made its mark on our psyches (both women and men’s).

I told the young woman waiting on me that I loved that quote by Shirley Chisholm, and she answered back, “Me too. I want to get a tattoo of it, but I haven’t been able to figure out how to shorten it so it will fit on my body!”. We chuckled together and I tried to picture where you would put it and how it would look winding its way around her arm. Then, I asked her if I could borrow a piece of paper to write it down on, and she said, “How would you like a copy of it? I’ll photocopy it for you!”. Such service at the DMV! She was not only serving me promptly and courteously, we were sharing a moment relating to each other as women, realizing the importance of honoring another woman who had made a difference in each of our lives.

As she finished up her work, she then directed me to the window to have my picture taken. I had forgotten that I would need to have my picture taken, and started to put my hand to my hair in hopes of doing something miraculous with it between window 20 and window 6. As I did so, she looked at me and said, “You are a beautiful strong woman, don’t be worrying about your hair.” I took her advice, and stepped to window 6 where I just stood there and smiled big, feeling my strength and beauty, and knowing all the talent I have has nothing to do with wearing a skirt.

I made a promise to myself, then and there, that I would let this talent fully shine.

Who knew you could get so much from the DMV?!

Blue Tara ~ Goddess of Liberation

“Blue Tara, or Ekajati, is associated with the transmutation of anger. A Protector expressing ferocious, wrathful, female energy who destroys all learning obstacles producing good luck and swift spiritual awakening. She removes fear of enemies, spreading joy and good fortune.” (source: Seasonal Salon)

If I am going to be unabashedly female, I must be present to what is here. Anger is here…again. To be honest, I don’t know what to do with this anger. Anger wasn’t something I learned to feel or express, but it certainly is here.

Anger for the way women and children are treated. I sense rage underneath a pretty veneer of good and appropriate behavior, not only on my part, but in the world at large. I sense many women feel this rage at something we can’t quite name, or perhaps don’t know how to name. I am sure many men feel this, too. I know some of it is my own anger, while I know much of it is the collective rage, a rage carried over from centuries of oppression of the Feminine.

My mind can’t understand how this anger and rage can be expressed without hurting another. I don’t want to simply spew more negativity into the world…there is enough already. But, I know I must feel this anger. It is here. And, I feel compelled to do something about what is happening all over our planet. While I feel small compared to the problems, when I feel this anger arise, there is at least something moving, something stirring rather than the complacency that comes when I feel overwhelmed by the problems I see.

In my writing, I have been stymied by the anger that comes up. I am clear that I don’t want to blame or rant or rave. I want to move from the love I know lies deep within my heart. Yet, I don’t yet know the fullness of how love can show up, the ways in which it can move and stand in its fullness as the truth.

I do know that love can cut like a knife of truth. I have seen it. When I stayed at Amma’s ashram in India, I witnessed Her love over and over. Even in moments of Darshan, when she was hugging someone with infinite tenderness of the Mother, she would occasionally express this knife of truth (what I might call anger or something like it) towards someone when it arose. But, here the expression was clean. It cut through the haze of ego like a knife, cleanly without a lingering trace of guilt or blame. Her love flowed through the entire experience. Witnessing its expression took my breath away. I had never seen the beauty in truth of expression like this before.

From my own experience, I know that pure love follows the true expression of anger. When anger is experience fully, without identifying with it, and without allowing one’s conditioning to feed off of it, it transforms into love.

I now know this transmutation of anger to love is what Blue Tara represents. For thousands of years, Blue Tara, and the other goddess forms, have represented this transmutation because anger blocks the way to expression of truth and love. There have been deities to express this because this is part of our path to awakening, to discovering the truth and wholeness of what it is to be female.

There is so much fear amongst women about being angry. No woman wants to be the angry bitch. Yet, we must feel the entirety of what is here, without identifying with it. We are not our feelings or thoughts, yet they move through us. When we block the negative ones, we block all of them. Our hearts are big enough to hold the entire universe…I know we can hold the feeling and expression of this anger, too. Perhaps then it will be like letting the air out of a balloon, slowly, little by little, rather than letting it get so full that it pops.

Just one day is not enough to truly appreciate what mothers do and give.

Just one day is not enough to really stop and consider what your mother offered up to you.

Just one day is not enough to imagine what it would be like if we all looked inside to see what we expect of mothers and motherhood, what kind of ideals we hold mothers to, and how we might soften our expectations of our own mothers, ourselves as mothers, and all the mothers in the world who continually live under the stress of such expectations.

I had a wonderful day yesterday. I was able to see both my daughters, their husbands, and my grandson, as well as my mother and sisters.

I was particularly aware of the smiles on mothers’ faces and wondered what it would be like if we let mothers off-the-hook from expectations of having to be super human, and ultimately what it would be like if we let ourselves off-the-hook of the same expectations.

“Today, the reason we haven’t found our grail, the key to who we are as women, is because we look for it in worlds of false power, the very worlds that took it away from us in the first place. Neither men nor work can restore our lost scepter. Nothing in this world can take us home. Only the radar in our hearts can do that, and when it does, … ‘We will light up like lamps, and the world will never be the same again.’ “

–Marianne Williamson

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”  

- Albert Einstein

“The key to who we are as women.” What is this key that Marianne Williamson speaks of? Who are we? What key might unlock this door? Answer this question? Awaken our own knowing?

These two quotes point to the same thing: that we can’t look to the current cultural paradigm to answer the questions we face in this moment. The conditioned world we swim in today is the world that took our knowing away from us. It is a illusory world devoid of a woman’s grail, that by which we know our own wholeness. What we see in this world is void of a deeply feminine reflection.

So if we can’t look to the outer conditioned world for our knowing, the only place we can look is within. Within our own being lies the key. When we enter into the inward gaze, we enter the unknown. If we truly want to know, we must be willing to step into not knowing. This means leaving behind all false powers and the answers they so readily give. We turn our faces to this inner gaze so that we might know something wholly new.

It is a heroine’s journey. It is a truly creative act. It is the place for disruption. And, it is ripe with the fragrance of grace for it is in our willingness to turn away from the conditioned world and toward that which is without false words of comfort and safety that we will discover the truth in the question that asks, “What is it to be female?”

 The only place we will find this truth of our being is within our hearts. That is the only place where the illusions we have been taught cannot exist. Trust your heart to bring you home.

All conditioning conspires against our knowing, yet our desire to know, to really know this nature, runs deep.

We are drawn to healing, drawn to come to wholeness and to knowing what and who we are. We are compelled to lose the binding we believe is wrapped around our feet, and to dissolve the armor that holds our hearts. We are yearning to know the fullness of our feminine vibrancy, that elusive yearning that lies deep in the belly of our bodies.

Everything we are taught about being female is done to keep us from knowing the basic goodness of our innate female nature. All of life, when it is seen for what it really is, is goodness. We simply don’t see it for what it is.

So this is your chance. Open your heart to your own nature. Open your heart to all that conspires to have you know what and who you truly are. Open your heart.

There is more to come…much, much more.

“Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind — even if your voice shakes.”

I find this quote so powerful for it gives one permission to speak, even when your speech isn’t perfect. Maggie teaches us that we don’t have to be speakers, we don’t have to be polished and perfected, and we don’t have to limit what we say to those who we know will agree.

What I hear in Maggie’s quote is facing it all head on. Standing in front of the very people you fear and speaking anyway forms a powerful image in my mind of no-holds-barred expression. I was particularly taken by her saying that we should speak in front of those we fear most. And then I read this quote by Maggie:

“When you least expect it, someone may actually listen to what you have to say.”

In reading this, my expectations take a 180 degree turn. I pictured standing in front of those I feared and assumed they wouldn’t listen. But, what if the very person(s) we fear are those that might actually listen to what we have to say? What if we were to step right up to the microphone in front of those we fear and speak, and find out they actually listen to us? How would that change what we are willing to say? How might that change our view of the world and our place in it?

Maggie was an American activist, best known for founding the Gray Panthers movement in 1971 after being forced into retirement by the Presbyterian Church.

Think about what how powerful Maggie’s words are. Another wise woman, Sobonfu Some, stated that women are afraid to speak up and out because they fear they won’t be heard. How often I have heard this from clients. Well we certainly won’t be heard if we don’t speak at all. We all have something to say and to share. It doesn’t matter who we say it to, but we must speak it. Think of Maggie next time you have something to say and find yourself tongue-tied. Then, speak Up!

By the way, the Bumper Stickers are available at CafePress.