Wisdom

So, I had to get my Driver’s License renewed the other day before my birthday. The last time I had entered a DMV was four years ago on my birthday, and the experience was not a pretty one. I spent three hours in line waiting…a good lesson in why it is smart to get an appointment time. This time, I decided to go to our local DMV in El Cerrito, a town just north of Berkeley where I live.

What a glorious experience I had in the El Cerrito DMV. Now that may sound like an overstatement…glorious and the DMV together in one sentence, but I have to tell you, the people there SO ROCK.

First, I was greeted by a young woman who was obviously hip, wildly creative and unabashedly female. She was the friendliest person I have encountered in a long, long time. And, it was genuine. She greeted me with a sincere smile, gave me a number and showed me where to go next.

I took my seat and waited for my number. Just THREE minutes later, I was called to window 20. As I approached the window, I was greeted by another young woman, who looked directly at me, said, “Hi, can I help you?” and seemed to genuinely mean it. I told her what I was there for and she got to work.

As she was looking up my records in the computer, I noticed a faded flyer from 2005 posted between window 20 and window 19:

The flyer grabbed my eye because I had just been reading about Shirley Chisholm and her intelligent and courageous way that supported her in becoming the first African-American woman elected to Congress and the first major party African-American candidate for President of the United States. Then, I read the quote on the flyer, “Tremendous amounts of talent are being lost to our society just because that talent wears a skirt.”. I wondered to myself how much that statement is still true. I read all the time that the playing field is now even and women have so much at their fingertips that wasn’t there before. But, I also know that our patriarchal acculturation is woven into our daily lives in so many insidious ways. It isn’t spoken of, but it has made its mark on our psyches (both women and men’s).

I told the young woman waiting on me that I loved that quote by Shirley Chisholm, and she answered back, “Me too. I want to get a tattoo of it, but I haven’t been able to figure out how to shorten it so it will fit on my body!”. We chuckled together and I tried to picture where you would put it and how it would look winding its way around her arm. Then, I asked her if I could borrow a piece of paper to write it down on, and she said, “How would you like a copy of it? I’ll photocopy it for you!”. Such service at the DMV! She was not only serving me promptly and courteously, we were sharing a moment relating to each other as women, realizing the importance of honoring another woman who had made a difference in each of our lives.

As she finished up her work, she then directed me to the window to have my picture taken. I had forgotten that I would need to have my picture taken, and started to put my hand to my hair in hopes of doing something miraculous with it between window 20 and window 6. As I did so, she looked at me and said, “You are a beautiful strong woman, don’t be worrying about your hair.” I took her advice, and stepped to window 6 where I just stood there and smiled big, feeling my strength and beauty, and knowing all the talent I have has nothing to do with wearing a skirt.

I made a promise to myself, then and there, that I would let this talent fully shine.

Who knew you could get so much from the DMV?!

Piglets for Girls. When I first read this article, I felt a surge of discomfort and frustration to know that there are things going on that so devalue women and girls that I can’t even wrap my head around them. Yet, this reaction doesn’t really help them. I am only seeing it from my western woman’s perspective without taking into consideration that I don’t know how other parts of the world work.

Piglets for Girls is an ingenious plan that is saving thousands of young girls from being sold into slavery.  To make it happen, Olga Murray had to understand how the Nepali culture worked after living there on and off for over five years.

As part of living this question, “What is it to be Female?”, we can look at women who exhibit their female nature in the work they do, and at the same time are powerful forces in the world today, creating change and leading by example and love.

Olga Murray is one such lady. She is saving lives every day…little female lives. Having been honored by the Dalai Lama and the former king of Nepal, Murray exhibits love, creativity, tenacity and the deep kind of love for the world that Amma calls Universal Motherhood.

When I read about Olga and the young girls she has changed, I could also see how these girls, once they felt secure and cared for, began to show their own strength and resiliency. They become empowered activists in their own right, naturally showing a fierceness towards their younger sister’s safety that can now be spoken aloud.

Olga Murray is a mirror for us all in which we can see our own strength, compassion, patience and creativity. These young women teach us something about what we can embody when we have known fear and stepped through it, and have been truly valued enough to be spoken for.  Take a moment to notice something new you now know about your own nature as a woman. Women can be true to their nature AND be a powerful force in the world.

I haven’t been able to write for two weeks now. My mother passed away on June 29th, and the words have only come in small bits. I have felt wordless, except for the moments when I needed to come up with them when writing writing her obituary and my portion of her eulogy.

The connection with our mother goes to the core. And, for me, it wasn’t until I realized she was going to die that I felt this tearing at the core of my being. It was as if the connection I had with her was deeply tied to the center of my body. It felt as if the other end of the connection was tied to her center as well. As I tried to describe it to my sister-in-law Shirley, my love for my mother was also a physical connection from center-to-center, from core-to-core.

My relationship with my mother was not perfect…whose is? But as she lay dying, I could feel the love she had for me in a way that I had not remembered experiencing. It was if a different channel a deeper, more physical and intuitive channel of expression was opened between us. In those last days, we shared some extraordinary moments of love. No, she wasn’t able to talk about dying, as she couldn’t speak without a great amount of exertion. But, instead, her communication came through her eyes, through her hands and through her heart. I could feel her unconditional love for me and something within me let go, knowing that her love for me does not, and will not, die. It is beyond our lifetimes, it is more than our bodies, and it is more than simply our relationship as mother and daughter.

My mother’s death has opened up a new place of inquiry into mothers and motherhood that I am following and will share here. How much I expected my mother to be more than human in her ability to mother. And, at the same time, I always saw knew that she was a mother that always provided what I needed.

My two sisters and I gave our mother’s eulogy together. It was truly an honor to do so. My mother was a strong, independent woman, as are my sisters. I have heard many stories from those who loved my mother, and know her now in many different ways. It’s funny how we learn things about our parents after they die, that we didn’t know before.

I see her humanness and now also know her divine ability to love unconditionally. What a gift.

“Today, the reason we haven’t found our grail, the key to who we are as women, is because we look for it in worlds of false power, the very worlds that took it away from us in the first place. Neither men nor work can restore our lost scepter. Nothing in this world can take us home. Only the radar in our hearts can do that, and when it does, … ‘We will light up like lamps, and the world will never be the same again.’ “

–Marianne Williamson

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”  

- Albert Einstein

“The key to who we are as women.” What is this key that Marianne Williamson speaks of? Who are we? What key might unlock this door? Answer this question? Awaken our own knowing?

These two quotes point to the same thing: that we can’t look to the current cultural paradigm to answer the questions we face in this moment. The conditioned world we swim in today is the world that took our knowing away from us. It is a illusory world devoid of a woman’s grail, that by which we know our own wholeness. What we see in this world is void of a deeply feminine reflection.

So if we can’t look to the outer conditioned world for our knowing, the only place we can look is within. Within our own being lies the key. When we enter into the inward gaze, we enter the unknown. If we truly want to know, we must be willing to step into not knowing. This means leaving behind all false powers and the answers they so readily give. We turn our faces to this inner gaze so that we might know something wholly new.

It is a heroine’s journey. It is a truly creative act. It is the place for disruption. And, it is ripe with the fragrance of grace for it is in our willingness to turn away from the conditioned world and toward that which is without false words of comfort and safety that we will discover the truth in the question that asks, “What is it to be female?”

 The only place we will find this truth of our being is within our hearts. That is the only place where the illusions we have been taught cannot exist. Trust your heart to bring you home.

“It’s so clear that you have to cherish everyone. I think that’s what I get from these older black women, that every soul is to be cherished, that every flower is to bloom.”
—Alice Walker

What is it to be female? One of the most amazing aspects of being a woman is our ability to love unconditionally. It is our nature. Within women, there is a substance that flows throughout one’s being. Spiritual leaders speak of this aspect of consciousness that is present in women because women intrinsically bring the divine into incarnation through their bodies. This that flows throughout the beingness of woman is always there. When we love, we love with this substance that brings consciousness to matter, that lights up matter with the radiance of the divine.

As Alice Walker says, to cherish everyone is the chance to bring reflection to the divinity within each person, and for that matter, every living thing. When we women love fully, from the depths of our heart and body, when we welcome in our own divinity and love from this place, we shine the light of awareness on the Oneness that is Life.

Loving unconditionally, though, is not the province of the ego. It is not about satisfying our desires and wants. Rather, it is trusting our nature as women and acknowledging the sacredness of our female body, so that we can fully embody this female nature and trust what it is here to do. This is the beauty that is inherent in women. This is the nature of females that is being called forth to full expression.

“How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown.” ~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

This month of May I am posting each and every day as part of National Blog Posting Month’s May theme…Voices.

Today, as I thought about what to post, I thought of how much I love silence and my hours of silent meditation and wondered about what voice speaks within silence. Then, much to my delight, I came across the quote above by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. That voice within speaks in silence and yet we hear it. There are many kinds of voices…and many ways to listen.

Listen with your entire body. Listen with every cell of your being. You will hear that voice within that tells you when to venture forth into the unknown. And, when you have faith in your own personal creative resource, you know you have everything to you need to be in the unknown.

Want to know more about your own personal creativity? Contact me and I will help you to know, and hear, that silent voice within.

In the back of my mind today, I was thinking about Voices and Speaking Up. In doing so, someone came to mind, a woman who has always piqued my curiosity…Maggie Kuhn. I heard about Maggie when I first saw a quote of hers on a bumper sticker here in Berkeley where I live. This bumper sticker is seen often in Berkeley. The quote is:

“Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind — even if your voice shakes.”

I find this quote so powerful for it gives one permission to speak, even when your speech isn’t perfect. Maggie teaches us that we don’t have to be speakers, we don’t have to be polished and perfected, and we don’t have to limit what we say to those who we know will agree.

What I hear in Maggie’s quote is facing it all head on. Standing in front of the very people you fear and speaking anyway forms a powerful image in my mind of no-holds-barred expression. I was particularly taken by her saying that we should speak in front of those we fear most. And then I read this quote by Maggie:

“When you least expect it, someone may actually listen to what you have to say.”

In reading this, my expectations take a 180 degree turn. I pictured standing in front of those I feared and assumed they wouldn’t listen. But, what if the very person(s) we fear are those that might actually listen to what we have to say? What if we were to step right up to the microphone in front of those we fear and speak, and find out they actually listen to us? How would that change what we are willing to say? How might that change our view of the world and our place in it?

Maggie was an American activist, best known for founding the Gray Panthers movement in 1971 after being forced into retirement by the Presbyterian Church.

Think about what how powerful Maggie’s words are. Another wise woman, Sobonfu Some, stated that women are afraid to speak up and out because they fear they won’t be heard. How often I have heard this from clients. Well we certainly won’t be heard if we don’t speak at all. We all have something to say and to share. It doesn’t matter who we say it to, but we must speak it. Think of Maggie next time you have something to say and find yourself tongue-tied. Then, speak Up!

By the way, the Bumper Stickers are available at CafePress.

Just a few days ago, last Thursday evening, I was lucky, lucky, lucky…I got to experience Mary Oliver in person in San Rafael. It was my good friend Megan’s birthday and she invited me along with her.

Mary Oliver is an incredible poet, and having the opportunity to hear her read her own words was one of those amazing moments in life. She is simple yet profound in her ability to articulate the experience of being present to the beauty of life. I found her most engaging as she shared poems about her important relationships: the one with her late beloved partner of 40 years, and the other with her dog, Percy. She is a master of speaking from her heart, in writing and in person.

I am currently re-reading one of Mary’s latest books, Thirst. It is a beautiful collection written after the death of her partner, and opens to two new directions in her work: grief and her discovery of faith. This book looks at sorrow as an opening to the awakening of faith. It reflects my own experience of the profound way that grief can move a person into the depths of the heart, which can bring about an opening into a new, very personal, relationship with life. Pick it up and be prepared to be amazed.

Amy Lenzo, of the Beauty Dialogues, was there, too. We were hoping to meet each other in person, but it wasn’t to be. The place was packed, every seat sold in advance. You can read Amy’s account of the evening in her post in the Beauty Dialogues.

Yesterday was one of those satisfying days, a day filled with sunshine, family and celebration. It was a day to celebrate the upcoming wedding of my sister Katie’s son Chris and his fiance Melodi. My other sister Molly and I hosted a bridal shower for Melodi. I love showers…both bridal and baby showers. Yesterday was a blending of both brides and babies, because my daughter Jenny is expecting in September, while my niece Liza is expecting twins in October. There we were, twelve women ranging in age from 22 to 82, spending the afternoon celebrating love and life. Love between Melodi and Chris. Love of the company of women and family. Love of the new life coming into our lives through Jenny and Liza.

As I recollect the day, I realize how important these traditions and rituals are. Marking these moments allows us to spend unhurried time in each other’s company, allows us to slow down and appreciate the life we are blessed to live, and appreciate the presence of life in each other and in our coming together.

Being in the company of 11 other women…daughters, mothers, sisters, nieces and friends…is soul-satisfying. My mother Joan who has been living with cancer, and moving toward healing of heart and soul through the experience, was there, obviously buoyed by the presence of so many women she loves. My mother-in-law, the mother of my late husband Gary, was there as well. These two mothers have been such strong influences in my life. I watched them yesterday, sitting together sharing the latest news, and more importantly, sharing moments of reflection of years past, of moments such as this one with Melodi. They came together through the love that Gary and I found. They came to know each other through the same ritual and tradition that we experienced yesterday, through two people coming together in marriage.

I was taken back thirty-some years, back to my youth when I was the one expectant with love and expectant with life. I was witnessing my mothers and their mothers spend time together. And now, I have moved up a generation. My niece Melodi is expectant with love, expectant with hopes and dreams for the future with Chris. My daughter and niece are expecting babies, expectant with all life will bring in the fall when they hold their babies for the first time.

In the midst of all this expectancy was the beauty of the present moment, the beauty of life and love blossoming, and the beauty of wise women who have lived full years.

I think what captivated me was the simplicity of it all: sharing food, enjoying the beauty of flowers, giving gifts and engaging conversation. Youth and Wisdom. Life and Love. Giving and sharing. We live such busy lives, yet time slowed down with our coming together. I could see that thirty years later, life was still just doing what life does. We were older. Some women have passed, while others were born and had grown into womanhood. But held within it all was a deep thread of continuity. The tradition and ritual brought us together and marked a moment that we could share. As in the way of transition, this ritual moment brought us to the present, allowing us to catch up to and acknowledge where we are in the place of things.

As one of my teachers says, when you forget who and what you are, just stop and be still. Yesterday was a day to do just that. Another way to stop and be still…and be grateful for the life and love that awaits us when we do stop and we are still.

It is one thing to have expectations that life will turn out a certain way. With regard to creativity, expectations can be the death of all things creative. But this is expectancy in a different form. To feel life coming into being, to be so present with all that is here that you feel it pulsing from within, you feel the vibrancy of spirit manifesting in each moment is to savor the nature of all that is. To savor the pregnancy inherent in every moment is to be one with your own creativity, that force of creation that is within all of life. To savor that feminine creativity that resides within your womb, and the womb of creation is to be filled with the wisdom of Sophia, the wisdom of the feminine aspect of life.

So take a moment to feel the immediacy of this moment, the birth that is imminent, that aspect of self that is the Creator creating the moment. Revel in this aspect of the Feminine, and in your own creative capacity as a woman. Yes, we can give birth to babies, and we can give birth to so much more…

This weekend, my partner Jeff and I took a few days off and traveled down to Pacific Grove, a quaint town nestled between Monterey and Carmel. We needed some time to just be. We walked along the beach, slept, ate, walked, talked, read, and watched Harry Potter movies (a first for me!). We had a beautiful time together.

Whenever I take the time to simply slow down and rest, I find that playful place inside me that seems to get little time in my day-to-day life. It’s one of the things I want to bring more fully into the day-to-day, that playful side that.

Yesterday, after deliciously sleeping in, we stopped by a little coffee/book house on the main street of Pacific Grove, Lighthouse Avenue. I was wearing my Kali Yantra , a silver necklace Jeff gave me to wear on my trip to India last year. As we entered the coffee house, two women caught my eye. They were deep in conversation, but something about them spoke to me. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but I could feel a connection with them.

I purchased my tea, and as I walked away from the coffee bar, one of the women and I caught a shared glance and we smiled. She then spoke first and mentioned my necklace, noting that she was wearing a pair of earrings that matched. I went over to them and we began a conversation. She asked me the name of the Goddess that the yantra represented, and I responded by telling her of Kali: that Kali is the Goddess of creation and destruction, and that in images she is shown with a necklace of skulls around her neck, and that she is misunderstood. She isn’t about death, but about the death of the ego, of the beauty of people finding who and what they are. “Her perpetual dance of cosmic bliss plays out through the eons as the creation and dissolution of worlds within worlds. Yet God, in the feminine form of the Mother - as the Absolute made Immanent - is ready to shower Her love and affection on any who care to turn their gaze toward Her fiery heart.” (source)

As I spoke of this divine symbol of love, the other woman said something about how important this was for her to remember. She then began to cry sweet, soft tears that ran down her cheeks. She was beautiful in this moment of recognition of something deeply important for her. The beauty was in the flash of truth that she felt. Something spoke to her deep within. What exactly we said didn’t really matter. What I witnessed, and treasure, is the flash of knowing that can come to us at any second if we are open to what might meet us.

I had just written the prior post about the amazingness of women, and I once again thought of this idea, that there is such beauty, strength and pure love in women that is ripe for us to once again reclaim. This flash of recognition came to the three of us because we were open to each other and to discovering what it was that drew us to each other.

We shared a few more words about women and how we need to acknowledge the tears of truth in ourselves and in each other. And then I said goodbye. I thought of these two beautiful women all day, and felt such gratitude for what they shared and what I witnessed.